my portion

“The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot.”
-Psalm 16:5 (ESV)

Sometimes it’s easier to believe things in your head than it is in your heart. I found that’s true almost all of the time.

I’ve been reading through Genesis, the Psalms and Matthew this month, and I am blown away by the Lord’s faithfulness to His people. God uses people like Hagar and Abraham and Jacob, despite their circumstances—some in their control and some not. I am continually reminded as I soak in the words on the pages of Scripture that God is God, and He does as He pleases, and His will is always perfect.

And I am constantly given strength when I remember His promises are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and I praise God Almighty for that. Thank You, God.

But, sometimes, when the valley is dark and the path is lonely and the night is long, I forget God’s promises in my heart. Sometimes, those promises are mere memories of lessons in Sunday School and faint constants that have wound their way into the past and are there to stay. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe in my heart what my head knows to be true.

Things you expect are easier to push through. It’s the small, unexpected things that are the hardest. Things are easy to believe in your head, but the heart is a whole separate matter.

The Lord places burdens on His children for a reason. And truthfully, it’s not my place to call God into question. It’s not my place to ask why. It’s not my place to not believe in my heart what I know to be true in my head.

But God knows my heart. He knows my every thought before I think it. He knows what my heart believes, and He knows what my heart fights not to believe with all its being. He knows. He doesn’t need me to pretend.

At the end of the day, we have to accept the portion we’ve been given. We have to drink from the cup we’ve been handed. We have to take the lot that is ours.

But, the Psalms tell me that the Lord is my portion. The Lord is my cup. The Lord holds my lot.

And today, on January 19, 2011, I will pray that the Lord will teach my heart what I know to be true in my head.

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